2/22/2017 1 Comment I Hate you! Love, your familyWith chronic illness, you'll deal with judgement, you'll deal with people who don't like you, people who think you're faking.. But your family will always be there to support you, right?? Well, that's not always the case.. Not everyone, has support from everyone in their family..
Actually I've talked to plenty of people who don't receive support from family.. People who receive hatred from family.. and as sad as it is, I've just had a large slap in the face from the reality of chronic illness & rare disease, the reality of no support from family.. I have a select few family members who are really there for me, who really support me.. I have some, that are there for me just enough that I feel like they support & love me.. My Mom, she is my biggest support, she is amazing in every aspect of what I deal with and endure.. She's seen and been through it all with me. She believes me, she advocates for me, and she's always there for me when I need her.. I have my grandma, she is a huge support as well, she's always there to comfort me, & when I get a new diagnosis, she always asks how to spell it, so she can "research and learn about it" And then I have a couple.. a couple, who hate me.. who loathe me, my illness, everything about me.. You would think being family, you would receive support no matter what? It's just not the case. I've felt angry, upset, hurt, heartbroken, and just generally so so sad, about this recent situation I've found myself in.. Recently my sibilings decided to tell me "exactly, how they've always felt." To say it hurt would be an understatement. The things that have been said, cannot be unsaid, and it hurts, because they told me "they mean every word, and don't want to take back any of it." If I ever do, it's going to take me a very long time to heal, and forgive this.. So my sister is 16 & my brother is 20, they are both rather outspoken, and can get pretty violent with words. My mother and my sister were arguing {like teenagers and parents do}, long story short, I got myself caught up in all of it, and my brother came to my sisters "rescue".. When speaking to my mom they said.. "You and dad always kiss Madison's a**" "Madison gets away with ANYthing because she's a Damn cripple" "I hate her, I hate her so much" "I'm not even kidding, I've hated her since the moment she had surgery" "she gets whatever she wants because she's in "pain"" "her getting fluids is completely ridiculous, it's disgusting, do you even know what is in those?" "She has no sense of the real world, she doesn't work or have friends, she doesn't know how hard it is to live a normal life" "I hate her so much, I hate her, I hate her" "I can only stand to be around her for so long" And so much more.. I could hear all of this being said, as I was sitting in the other room. I cried, and I was hurt, I went in and all I said was "I hurt EVERY f***ing day, you have NO IDEA what the hell you're talking about! I don't have a job because I HURT, I hurt so bad I can't move sometimes. Did you know that people with chronic illnesses end up alone, depressed, and sometimes turn to suicide because nobody believes them or supports them, and they don't have support from family?? NONE of this is my fault, I didn't ask for any of this, and I certainly didn't mean to make you hate me" Granted, my mom spoke to them and tried to explain, but they said some pretty nasty stuff to her as well.. Now, I know everybody goes through their own thing, and when people say hurtful things, it's because they're hurting.. But that doesn't make it okay for anybody, to talk to me like that, for anybody to hate me like that.. It's been heartbreaking for my mom and I both, it's just another thing we have to deal with when it comes to illness.. People think that the hard part about chronic illnesses and rare diseases, is the illness/disease itself. I mean, it is, but there is SO much More to it than that.. There are so many struggles attached.. So many things that we have to battle with daily, in addition to the pain and illness.. I wish I could reach out to everybody who deals with this rejection and hatred, because of illness/disease.. I wish I could reach out and tell you; No matter what your diagnosis, the treatment you're going through, the pain you feel, the job you have or don't have, I want you to know YOU are LOVED, YOU Matter.. You are doing such a good job managing your illness and your life, I support you, I hope your pain is manageable, and your symptoms livable.. Even if no one else does, I support you, I love you. Dear Family, I Love You, Even if you Hate me! Love, Madison
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AuthorMy name is Madison, I have quite a few rare diseases and chronic illnesses. Archives
July 2019
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